Parent Association

Coming Home for the Holidays

As the holiday season approaches, your student may be getting ready to head home for the winter break. This can be an exciting yet anxious time as you may experience a shift in family dynamics when your student comes back, especially if it is the first time they’ve been home for an extended period of time since the semester began. Although you may be envisioning running toward each other with open arms as your student walks in the door, their visit may be different than expected. Below are a few tips on how to make your student’s visit home as successful as possible.

Expect changes within your student. Being away at college often reveals new experiences, beliefs, interests and more for your student. As they navigate the freedom and pressures of college, they might change their appearance, attitude, behaviors or other features about themselves. It’s important to expect slight changes in your student and understand that some of these changes might stick while others won’t. Be curious about who your student is becoming but give them grace as they try out new ideas and identities. Acknowledge the elephant in the room through neutral or positive ways and then move on to making their visit fun (or begin tackling the bag of dirty laundry they brought home).

Don’t overschedule day 1 of their return. Since your student will be in town, it may seem like the perfect time to schedule the haircut, dentist and doctor’s appointments they need before they leave home again. However, it’s best to schedule these appointments after giving your student some time to decompress. If your student arrives home with an appointment scheduled for the same day, they may feel anxious, rushed and stressed trying to unpack their things before getting back in the car for their appointment. Allowing your student to arrive home, settle in, possibly eat a meal and take a nap may be the best way for them to start their visit.

Spend quality time together. When your student arrives home, you’ll be excited to hear all about their grades, roommate, friends, etc. After too many questions, however, your student may feel like they are in an extended interrogation. It is important to talk to your student and actively listen to them as they tell you about their college experience, but it is best not to bombard them all at once. Break it up by planning some intentional time and activities to enjoy being together and give them opportunities to start these conversations.

Tell them of changes to their bedroom, home, etc. College students often return home expecting everything to be exactly as they left it, so it’s important to communicate any changes before they come home. Your student may want the sense of childhood sanctuary that being home provides, yet they also want to be acknowledged and respected as adults.

Don’t take offense if they’re excited to get back to campus. “I can’t wait to go back to college.” It may be tough to hear your student make a statement like this after arriving home, but if your student tells you they want to get back to campus, this is a reason to celebrate! This means that they chose a place that they like and that they can call their home away from home. It also shows they are engaged in crafting a vibrant life for themselves.

Give yourself permission to feel sad. Even though your student is home, things may not feel quite the same as they used to. They may run out the door to connect with friends, bicker with siblings, stay up late and make the house less quiet. It’s common for it to take some time to settle into a newly defined relationship that works for both of you. It’s okay to feel sad as you work out this new dynamic with your student, but know that in time you will establish a new normal as your relationship evolves.

Resources:

Interview with Gayle Hanson › What to Do if a Class is Full ›

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